Customers Say The Darndest Things

Dealing with the public really nets me a lot of good material for this next subject.  Like many of my readers can verify, there are times in which awkward things are said and I am here to tell you about a few of the most recent ones:

"Oh Christopher, you remind me of my dead husband..."

I was a little confused at the moment because I didn't know if it was because I hadn't done my hair that morning or shaved resulting me not looking up to par so she compared me to a dead guy or my appearance on this day had no change of her overall opinion of myself as compared to her husband of long ago.  

"Your so nice to me hunny, if you were just a little bit older..."

How about you become a little bit younger and then we'll talk.  One of us is already one foot in the grave and there is no sense for me to go in too.  Plus, geriatric sex is overrated.

"Leave it like that because I do work all the time..."

When filling out a customer information sheet, this young guy had his cell number underneath the business number line.  So I asked if he wanted me to change it, and he returned to me Big Black's famous line from Rob & Big about doing work.  I tried not to be amused by this kid imitating him but his stupidity earned a chuckle from me, unfortunately.  

"Nice clock, did you get that for always being on time? HA HA HA HA"

My parents were nice enough to get me a clock with my name engraved on it for my work desk.  If they only knew how many dumb jokes I hear about time because its got my name on it, they would have probably gotten me a pen holder, not engraved.  I'd say if I only hear this joke 5 times a week, it's considered a slow week.  One of these days I'm gonna turn around and say "Nice face, did you get that for always being ugly??? ZINGGGGGGG" (and then I'd be fired)

"Sit down and behave or else this man is going to put you underneath his desk with all the other bad children..." (to her kids)

This situation I had a little bit of a problem with.  First, the only thing that goes under my desk is my feet, and the occasional candy wrapper that misses the garbage.  Second, I'm not in the business of disciplining your children, just here for your banking needs.  Third, I don't need this kid going back to his dad and say, "The man at the bank has children under his desk and he wanted me to go under there too".  And lastly, I don't want this kid to be scared of desks so badly that he is going to find me 30 years down the road after his therapist tells him he should confront his fears head on and kill me.

In Festy We Trust