The Jacko & His Heart Attacko

Well here we are folks, the day The King Of Pop took his last breath.  Am I sad about the passing of Michael Jackson?  Do I wish he get cut some slack from all Jacko haters?  Will I do anything to commiserate his death?  The answer to all those questions are NO.  Im not going to pretend to be sad about what happened because Im not.  I obviously don't wish death on anyone because that would be wrong in so many ways, but there is nothing immoral about not caring when someone passes.

I grew up knowing who Michael Jackson was as a person, not as a performer.  When I was in my teens I then realized the huge influence he had in the pop world.  But as I sit here flipping through all the news channels, Fox News, CNN, CNBC, the residing questions is, Which Michael Jackson will be his legacy: courtroom Michael or music stage Michael?  For me, its going to be courtroom Michael.  For a number of my friends, it is the same.  And for those who have a problem with that, may I bring up a one Richard Nixon who will always and forever be connected to the Watergate Scandal in which he resigned for (probably would have been impeached if he hadn't).  His legacy isn't going to be the fact that he orchestrated a cease fire with North Vietnam which lead to the end of the Vietnam war or the fact that he started talks with China.  His legacy will always be Watergate and Jackson's will be his pedophile cases.

One thing that really bothers me about this situation is the quickness of the news reports.  Ever since I watched the movie Wag The Dog which is about how the government can shape the media, I have a hard time believing a little, if any of the information that is given by reporters.  Now, Im not saying there is a government cover up of the Michael Jackson death, because they would be a few years too late, but Im just saying to give the situation a little more time to pan out.  How many times have you heard of a car accident in which the first report puts two cars in a head on collision.  Then when you read it in the paper the next day or day after, it's a step above a fender bender.  The media in the US really sucks, but on the other hand, we could be Iran right now and no one would know about the death of Jackson.

In Festy We Trust

Customers Say The Darndest Things

Dealing with the public really nets me a lot of good material for this next subject.  Like many of my readers can verify, there are times in which awkward things are said and I am here to tell you about a few of the most recent ones:

"Oh Christopher, you remind me of my dead husband..."

I was a little confused at the moment because I didn't know if it was because I hadn't done my hair that morning or shaved resulting me not looking up to par so she compared me to a dead guy or my appearance on this day had no change of her overall opinion of myself as compared to her husband of long ago.  

"Your so nice to me hunny, if you were just a little bit older..."

How about you become a little bit younger and then we'll talk.  One of us is already one foot in the grave and there is no sense for me to go in too.  Plus, geriatric sex is overrated.

"Leave it like that because I do work all the time..."

When filling out a customer information sheet, this young guy had his cell number underneath the business number line.  So I asked if he wanted me to change it, and he returned to me Big Black's famous line from Rob & Big about doing work.  I tried not to be amused by this kid imitating him but his stupidity earned a chuckle from me, unfortunately.  

"Nice clock, did you get that for always being on time? HA HA HA HA"

My parents were nice enough to get me a clock with my name engraved on it for my work desk.  If they only knew how many dumb jokes I hear about time because its got my name on it, they would have probably gotten me a pen holder, not engraved.  I'd say if I only hear this joke 5 times a week, it's considered a slow week.  One of these days I'm gonna turn around and say "Nice face, did you get that for always being ugly??? ZINGGGGGGG" (and then I'd be fired)

"Sit down and behave or else this man is going to put you underneath his desk with all the other bad children..." (to her kids)

This situation I had a little bit of a problem with.  First, the only thing that goes under my desk is my feet, and the occasional candy wrapper that misses the garbage.  Second, I'm not in the business of disciplining your children, just here for your banking needs.  Third, I don't need this kid going back to his dad and say, "The man at the bank has children under his desk and he wanted me to go under there too".  And lastly, I don't want this kid to be scared of desks so badly that he is going to find me 30 years down the road after his therapist tells him he should confront his fears head on and kill me.

In Festy We Trust

Randomness

Over the past few weeks, I've been taking notice of something that I'm not proud of.  I guess when reading it, it sounds a lot more creeper then if I were to have a discussion in person about it.  What I'm talking about is how people hold their utensils while eating food.  Weird right?  The way I use my fork and knife is what I always thought was the norm, fork in the right hand (dominate hand) and knife in the left.  The more I creepily watch people eating, the more I notice that there really isn't a norm for using your utensils. 

I've seen people who cut with their dominate hand and fork it with their less dominate hand.  I've seen people cut with their dominate hand and then do a switch-a-roo so that the fork is now in the dominate hand and the knife moves to the other.  Very rarely do I notice someone who has the same utensil use procedure as myself.  I remember Bingman, Wieland and myself were out to eat and this was the first time I brought it up.  I was so convinced that Bingman was weird for cutting with his dominate hand and doing the switch-a-roo with the fork and Wieland for cutting with his dominate and forking with his less dominate.  When I brought it to the forefront of our dinner conversation, I was looked at like the weirdo; A. for watching people eat and B. for thinking that there was a norm.  In conclusion, I should be looked at as the minority in my utensil using exploration.

P.S. Im blogging right now while Simone and I watch Super High Me, starring Doug Benson which is a very good flick, and he cuts with his dominate hand and forks it with his less dominate.  Now we are graced by Mr. Murphy and he too follows the same templet as Simone.  Boo these men!!! BOOOOO!!!

EARTH.    I don't know how better to start this next topic.  I think we take for granted the knowledge that us normal folk know about what truly is the position of the Earth in reference to the universe.  My main question is what happens if the world turns upside?  If you hold up a tennis ball up, where is the ground?  When looking at the tennis ball, are all the continents sideways on the ball so that if the world was turned upside it would virtually have no effect?(If thats case then if we dig to the center of the earth then we would technically get to China!!)  And if thats the case of the case, is it gravity that holds us in place so that we don't fall down sideways?  So many question that might or might not have an answer, but that I am too lazy to research for you.

Im getting really sick and tired of watching or listening to commercials on tv or the radio to places that aren't near my current location.  First off we have Papa John's.  The only time I have ever had Papa John's was when I went to a college friends house in Massachusetts.  I've seen more commercials for this pizza joint then I care to remember but can't name one location close to us.  Im not saying there isn't one around, Im just saying they don't tell me where the hell they're hiding.  Second commercial Im annoyed with is Sonic.  This is a bitter sweet relationship because I am a huge fan of their commercials.  If there was any Sonic's closer to me, I am sure that I would go there based mainly on their commercials.  

My next topic is something that I feel very strongly about.  There are few things in the world I hate more then writing in cursive.  There really is no benefit for the average Joe Schmo because he probably hates writing in script as well.  Which brings me to my next point, why the hell do they have two names for the same style of writing: cursive and script?  Teachers don't say "Ok students, grab your number 2 pencils and write out the alphabet in lower case letters or smaller case letters, what ever you kids want to call it today" or "Spell out your name in upper case letters and if you write them incorrectly, you will have to re-do them in taller-then-lower case letters".  It's just dumb.  Connecting letters is way overrated.  It doesn't save time because you always end up getting stuck on trying to remember how to connect letters like "K, F & Z".

In Festy We Trust